Get Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea PDF

By Chelsea Handler

ISBN-10: 1416596364

ISBN-13: 9781416596363


while Chelsea Handler must get a couple of issues off her chest, she appeals to the next strength -- vodka. you are going to too should you figured out that your boyfriend was once having an affair with a Peekapoo or when you needed to fake to be honeymooning together with your father as a way to improve to top quality. Welcome to Chelsea's international -- a spot the place absurdity reigns excellent and a short wit is the easiest defensive position.
during this hilarious, deliciously skewed assortment, Chelsea mines her earlier for tales approximately her kinfolk, relationships, and occupation which are without delay singular and ridiculous. even if she's convincing her third-grade category that she has been tapped to play Goldie Hawn's daughter within the sequel to Private Benjamin, determining to be extra egalitarian through relationship a redhead, or looking for a foulmouthed, rum-swilling little one who seems to be similar to her...only smaller, Chelsea has a knack for buying herself into the main outrageous occasions. Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea showcases the candor and impossible to resist turns of word that experience made her one of many hottest voices in comedy this present day.

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Example text

That’s a great idea,” I told her as I unbuckled my Ms. Pac-Man lunchbox to find a peanut-butter-and-cream-cheese sandwich. ” I asked, unwrapping it and then slamming it down on the table. ” Jodi and I had been friends since kindergarten, so she was used to this kind of mix-up. As sweet and loving as my mother was, she had the organizational skills of a sea lion and could never remember to make me lunch. So every morning I had to tell my father to make it for me. He, in turn, had the culinary skills of a sea lion, and no matter how many times I repeated the phrase “peanut butter and jelly,” he always somehow managed to fuck it up.

He asked. “Yeah, you know, your own little house when you’re on set. Every actor gets one. There’s sooo much downtime in movies, you really need a place to unwind. ” My vast knowledge of movie-making at the age of nine came from spending every free minute watching television, movies, and reading any book about the filming of The Breakfast Club I could get my hands on. I think when you grow up in a house surrounded by cars from the previous two decades and parents who insist that ten dollars for a pair of jeans in 1984 is excessive, you have no choice but to immerse yourself in a world where money is no object.

My whole day deflated in a matter of seconds. “Mrs. Schectman was making a big deal about me not doing my homework and the Goldie Hawn story was the only thing I could think of,” I told them. ” he asked me. ” I wailed, bursting into tears and stomping my left foot. “It was the season premiere of Charles in Charge! ” “Chelsea, sweetie, you don’t have to make up such farfetched lies,” my mother said in her ultracalm tone. ” “I know,” I told her, defeated, and walked over for a hug. My mother was always a softie, and once I got over to her I knew my father would cease being such an immediate physical threat.

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Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea by Chelsea Handler

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